This thought has been on my mind a lot lately. It seems like every other day I see a sad story of a 2 year old on the news. It hits me hard. I never want anything to happen to my precious little two year olds.
Missing, abducted, neglected, abused, dying. Scared and alone, yearning for love. I ask God why He isn't protecting them, loving them? If He could just give them to me, I would love. I would protect.
As parents we do all that we can to protect our children. Sometimes it works, sometimes we go overboard and they rebel. Sometimes we fail. And still other times we have no idea what to even do to protect them. My kids know that outlets are dangerous, the stove is hot, and not to chase a ball that rolls into the street. We hold hands in the parking lot, I buckle their car seats, they wear sunscreen.
But I can't stop sickness, disease, heartbreak or failure. I can't stop fear and spiritual warfare.
I'm not in control.
And this is where I am right now. Our son has had trouble sleeping throughout his life. But not the typical "my kids don't sleep" type of not sleeping. My husband and I believe fully that it is spiritual warfare. Satan knows that if you want to make a parent weak, attack their children. When he was younger, Jack would wake up numerous times a night terrified. Shushing, bouncing, lullabies...nothing seemed to help. We didn't know what was going on. And in our delusional, sleep-deprived state, we could not muster up a prayer more than "Lord, let him sleep."
After several months, we got serious about praying knowing it was the only thing that could help. But Jack did everything he could do to stop us. Anytime we prayed, sang spiritual songs, or read scripture, he covered our mouths, kicked and screamed, and pushed us away. It remained intense for a couple of weeks but then miraculously stopped.
It has been almost a year since he has been attacked, but he started being scared again last week. His reactions this time are different and I am thankful. Instead of rejecting God, he's embracing him. He asks for prayer and even prays himself. We will walk in and his hands are clasped and he is talking away, then he says "amen." He asks us to sing and also sleeps with his "Jesus Book" (the Bible) almost every night. He knows Who to turn to for comfort when he is alone.
One night after Jack had been crying for over an hour, I went back in to comfort him again. I told him I would be right outside the door, always there to protect him.
But then it hit me. I can't always protect him. It was then that I bursted into tears and could only say, "God will protect you...God will protect you."
And I must trust Him to do so.
I can try to prevent what I can, and prepare them for life's challenges, but the most powerful thing I can do is pray. Pray for His protection, pray for His peace, pray for His assurance when I feel He is absent. He is not. And I must trust.
God protects in ways we cannot understand. Though I may watch the news and wonder where God is, He is there.
He cares for His children. He loves them. He protects them...in a more extravagant way than I can imagine or attempt on my own.
I am so thankful for the Lord, my Protector.
Thanks for the read. -Kate
